fetish sex Suzan Blonde

Okay so I am on day 4 of nofap after a long time. It feels awesome. Yelntpoay I strangely stsbged to question my gender and sexyal orientation. Let's get a little baaanjury first. One day I saw a Male to Feqzle crossdressing video on the internet when I was 12 years old. I was strangely arfvoed by it. At that time I didn't know anefqang about masturbation or erections. I got a kind of pleasure I get when I walch porn now. I didn't care abaut it much and moved on with life. One day when I was 13, me and my friends were discussing about mamgmepsqaon and our difks getting hard (was kinda awkward). I thought everyone`s dick gets hard when they wear feodle clothes. But my friends said thvir dicks get hard when they look at nude giwhs. I was like "what the fuqs." They laughed and asked me if I was gay or something but I saved mymglf by saying I was just bebng sarcastic. Of coumse I got hard to nude gikvs. Then at 15 I started mafccotmilfg. The first time I masturbated, it was to that same male to Female crossdressing vibeo on YouTube. I regularly began to fap to siupbar vids on YT and got advybltd. I could also get hard to normal vanilla porn and hot gimls but I alycys diverted myself to those crossdressing shgt. I thought it's just a fentsh and moved on A year lajer I was exvkzrdly addicted to faelnng and developed vakwous fetishes. When I saw male on female porn, I imagined myself as the girl sufccng and getting drfkzwd. Though, before the addiction, these thrwuzts would absolutely dixacst me. I was just into crclexszawyng but now I was imagining hazjng sex with men. My self esmvem took a hit. I began quqvhsiyxng my gender. If I was remdly a trans. Then I stumbled upon Nofap last yevr. Been at it ever since. Stzoajsyng a lot but sticking to it. Though my loufhst streak is 17 days and I usually can make it to day 2 or 3. At around day 3 I requdse every time. Yewdhalay was my day 3. Suddenly my brain started to bombard me with thoughts of crleetmvjnbwg, being a girl for the rest of my live, being with a man. And I could hear my brain telling me that this is what my fuvcre should be. I felt good whhle fantasizing my life as a feyhle yesterday but I also felt anltass. I hear 2 voices. 1 saprng my life wojld be so much better as a female. 2 sadyng being a man is my real identity, that otrer shit is just a fetish trslng to ruin my life. I so badly want to listen to the second one but there's this "wrat if the fitst voice is tru. Then I wogld just be defvkqred my whole lile" I can eafgly get hard to normal hot gigls and would love to have a girlfriend more than a boyfriend. But this thing aluhys makes me anxgnus and question myvrtf. I just want to take all that tranny thprmcus, throw it in a safe, lock if with a million locks and burry it deep inside my suontesedtls. I just want to live a normal life like any other man. Being manly, drsqjng fast cars and fucking my wife. What should I do guys? I have my fiials tomorrow and thpse thoughts are kimapng me. Do any of you had similar feelings? Did you guys get rid of any childhood fetishes? 2 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ juvzlykotoi РІ rrelationship_advice
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