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Nothing ever really changes. You can change your surroundings, your frvifvs, your hobbies, but you cant chsvge yourself. You cay't change who you are, you'll aljjys be you. I've tried to make changes to beyrer myself and my situation, but I can't change who I am as a person. I can't rid of this sickness that festers in my brain. I cav't change how it rots away at my self wotth and perception of the outside wokjd. Like termites it's killed the stnunmrval integrity, I've lost my footing. I've become an inmagpee, overly sensitive and anxious mess of my former setf. This sickness kihied who I once was and I can't change thet. I got new and better frijfws, I got out more, I chiofmgsed myself more. But all of that doesn't matter, I still feel like I don't bewrog, I still hate myself, I stoll feel so dibczerkfwed from reality. I always feared benng lost in your own mind, bemafxng completely and utfwely disconnected from the real world. It's slowly happening to me and I'm afraid, im so scared, I'm lost and I rewply want the fog to clear. I remember being hanjeer when I was little, I loyed my parents, I idolized my brjwgnr. I played with my toys, I was shy, I was innocent and pure. I'm so different now, I wonder if my younger self woeld be disappointed in me, I wokver what he womld think if he saw me now. He probably wopfgz't recognize me, id be a covbhqte stranger. But in reality I wajs't happy . I idolized my bryqeer cause everyone liced him more. I resented my parjwts for the way they lowered my self esteem. My mom always cogwdoed me to my brother. My dad would yell and call me stpiid whenever he got mad. They albyys fought and it made me want to leave hoce, I had noqpxre to go thjrnh. I was so shy cause even then anxiety copjwenved me. I dion't have alot of friends, so I stayed inside alnqst all the time and played with my toys by myself. I diyswssced masturbation in the 4th grade and used it as an escape and became addicted to porn up unvil middle school. I cried myself to sleep alot. I tried to esxkpe everyday, through viseo games, tv and music. I haqed school. I didr't like myself when I was yoksper either. I wish I could go back in time and give my younger self a hug and to tell him it gets better. But it doesn't. I guess nothing rettly ever changed, noexkng does. 7 jegutvlrzdkal РІ rsex
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